


Being Zoe

by Free_Keys



Series: A Silver Flower [2]
Category: Sleepless Domain (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 14:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15951644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Free_Keys/pseuds/Free_Keys
Summary: It's one thing to realize you're a girl, but another entirely to put it into action. Armed with a name and realization, Zoe is eager to bury the boy the world believed she was. But change is terribly frightening...even in a world and family that accepts her without question, that's easier said than done.





	1. Chapter 1

The receptionist clicked her tongue and squinted at the papers in front of her. “Zoe Blecher, we're ready to see you now.”

Maybe there was some point where hearing her name would feel normal, but not today. The words sent an electric giddiness down her spine, her heart swelling with nerves and joy and her knees buckled together—how could she stand up, how could she walk there, how could she—

A soft pressure at her side. Zoe looked down and saw a hand laid gently over her own. Her eyes climbed the arm and found her sister's face. She was smiling. “You ready, squirt?”

Breathe in...Breathe out… Zoe curled a hand into a fist and tried to muster her courage. “...Yeah!”

Her sister had lost her powers years ago. But she was still Zoe's hero.

Still holding hands, they stood up and walked up to the front desk together.


	2. Chapter 2

The day that Zoe woke up with silver hair, her sister had come home, assuring Zoe that her professors understood or would have to deal with it. That nothing was more important than supporting her sister.

Sister. _Sister._ That was the word she'd used. Zoe felt so weak in the knees. Her parents didn't want her to go alone, but they were busy with work that week. Her sister had been a happy volunteer. 

“I see,” the receptionist said, making a little note on her sheet. “Would you like your sister to accompany you to the orientation officer?”

Zoe's eyes turned down to her fingers as she pressed them pensively together. “...If it's not a bother...”

“Not at all,” the receptionist shook her head. “A sister is a little unusual, but girls bring family in with them all the time. Your appointment is with Mrs January, third door to your left.” She looked up and smiled, real and bright. “Congratulations!”

It was infectious. Zoe couldn't help but smile back. “Thank you...”

* * *

Zoe had expected for the office to be a little less...officey? It was all basic carpet, professional chairs and vague landscape paintings hung up on the wall. The only images of magical girls were vague silhouettes...To keep them from getting dated maybe, and the hall to the actual officers was pretty much the same.

First...Second... _Third._ Zoe pulled on the handle, inched her foot through the gap and peeked her head inside.

A filing cabinet, littered with little post-it note reminders. A shelf, lined with thick books. A old photograph of two thematic MGs with intertwining scarf. And a sober-faced woman sitting behind a desk labeled; 'Dorothy January.'

The officer looked up, a little grin making her expression almost gentle. “You must be Zoe.” She gestured to an empty seat. “Come on in.”

Zoe looked behind her. Silently, her sister took her hand again. “You're gonna be fine. I'm right here.”

Breathe in...Breathe out...I'm going to be okay...She walked in, and her sister came in right behind her. She didn't say anything, but she kept holding on. It made Zoe feel a little silly...but it made it easier to be brave. Slowly but surely, they started going through the questions.

“Address? Home phone number? Family? Injuries? Power? Title?”

Her throat seized. “I...um...Haven't picked one...?” Her toes curled and she bit down on the inside of her lip, studying Mrs. January' face for a reaction.

But she just nodded. “I'll take it that you don't have a team set up to join either, then?”

“...No...” Zoe wanted to vanish into her seat. Her sister’s grip got a little firmer. Zoe tried to steady her breathing.

“Would you like to transfer to Future's Promise?”

Clutching at her side with her free hand, Zoe looked away from Mrs. January. It had been her dream. She had always wanted it. Dreamed of it. She did want it. But now it was here and, and, and... “My mom says that it would be good for me...” For better education yes, but also because it would be full of people who didn't know her. Because it would be a place where 'Zoe' was the only name anyone had ever called her. But...

Her nervousness must have been easy to pick up on. “It’s your choice,” she said. When Zoe looked up she saw Mrs January staring back at her, pen hovering over a sheet of paper. “You don't need to make the decision now, and if you decide you don't want to then—”

“I've always wanted to.” Zoe's mouth felt dry.

“You sure...?”

All Zoe could muster was a nod. She felt like a piece of crumpled up tinfoil. But she meant every word.

“...Okay then. But remember, if you change your mind we can transfer you back to your old school at any point.” Mrs January scribbled the last note on her sheet. “Well, you're done...Oh! That's right. Before I forget...” She turned, grabbed a sheet of paper from her desk and slipped it onto a clipboard with a pen. “We need your signature to finalize your official name change.” She held it out over her desk.

Tentatively, Zoe reached forward and took it from her hands. There it was, her dead name. It was weird to think of it that way. Dead name. She could kill it now. Kill it forever. With this pen.

Her hands shaking, a tremulous smile on her face, she signed her name, her real name. Zoe Blecher. Sister. Daughter. Magical girl. 

No matter what else happened...at least she had this…At least she could be ‘Zoe.’ 

She could be Zoe forever.


	3. Chapter 3

She was alone…

The morning chatter of girls filled the air with noise, little colorful bobbing heads brushing past and around Zoe like a stream over a pebble as she stood there, in a torrent of strangers in front of Future’s Promise weari _ngaskir—_

Zoe grabbed feverishly at her tie, pulling it looser, clawing for a little more space. Breathe in...Breathe out... _Oh Founder..._

People were starting to stare...

Zoe forced herself to take those first steps toward Future's promise, fumbling in her bag to pull out a crumbled up schedule, labeled with classes she recognized and room numbers that she definitely did NOT. Zoe's sister had told her over the phone where they were, she'd told her, Zoe knew she had, but just what had she said...?

Zoe ran a hand over her face and surrendered herself to asking directions...Maybe there was a teacher she could ask. That would probably be okay.

 _It'll be fine._ She allowed herself a moment to steady her thoughts. _It has to be..._

* * *

Zoe was surrounded by magical girls and she felt more like a fraud than ever. Her sister had assured her that they were all just girls, but there was Forte Lead, chatting with Keys, and there was Lime, rolling her eyes as a serious-faced teacher was talking to her in the hall. 

They were out every night in the dark, fighting for the city. And she...She was...

“...A new student here. She recently transferred in, so make sure you make her feel welcome.” Her teacher said. Zoe's dared a glance up. They were looking at her with a practiced politeness...She thought she recognized some of the Alchemicals in the back. The whole class was looking at her...

They see this all the time, Zoe assured herself. Everyone joins like this. And while she knew it to be true, she couldn't keep from looking down at her feet...Tucked into little Mary Janes. Her sister had said they looked cute on Zoe when they'd gone to pick them out. Cute on **her.** _You're a girl, you're supposed to be here. You're a girl. You're supposed to be here._

Zoe's arms crossed her belly, her clutching tight to her own forearms. She swallowed hard and looked up. “...It's nice to meet you...My name is Zoe...”


	4. Chapter 4

_“Tragedy struck Team Alchemical last night. After an engagement with a monster the promising team of five suffered three casualties and one major injury. The CDD has made no statement at this ti—“_

—The feed cut off with a soft blip. The remote felt cold and clammy in Zoe's hand. Her head was full of fuzz. She'd seen them in her class, all together, all alive, and then...and then...

Zoe was a girl, and that made her happy. But she'd been wrong to call herself a magical girl. But it took more than being a girl to be a Magical Girl. More than bright hair, more than shining eyes, more than a sigil, transformation and power. It took the bravery to save people, to help them when they needed it most. Zoe had wanted to be a magical girl. She still wanted it, so bad it made her heart ache. And yet...

When she thought of facing those monsters, her heart _seized._

Breathe in...Breathe out…

It was her second day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this work! I've stopped here for now because this is where the story starts run up against the canon, and I'm always a little wary of venturing too close to things that are likely to be explored. 
> 
> I'm likely to come back to this when I have more inspiration, but for now I'm satisfied with this ending. Let me know what you think in the comments!


End file.
